I'm trying, I really am. But I can't keep on acting like I'm ok with it if I think there's something inherently wrong in all your actions. It's against my own principles to ignore it and try to make peace with it, but the last time I let it out it upset people.

And the only reason why I'm not speaking out now is because I don't want to let it out again and be thought of by everyone as heartless. Does this mean that ultimately, I want to isolate myself? Or surround myself with Americans, which at this moment can quite possibly be the only people that simultaneously infuriate me the most and that I understand the most?

Why oh why oh WHY didn't I apply to the US? The UK gives me good academic standing, but I have that feeling that the US would've been such a character builder. Plus, gigs that I actually want and can go to.

Fuck.