woah.

This year there's actually a entertainment industry list (usual offenders: Rolling Stone, Blender, AOL, People, Q, NME) that I actually agree with. All 89 items on it.

AOL Music presents The 89 Most Redundant, Repetitive Cliches in Music (because 100 would be cliche). No, really, this kicks the ass of every lame list Blender has ever tried to make (Biggest mistake ever: Blender's list of the best songs released in the last 25 years didn't include a single Red Hot Chili Peppers song. NONE. Not even Under the Bridge.) Initially I wanted to c&p the entire list here, but then I realised that it would be a) tedious, and b) very long. So, just a selection of my favourites (comments in italics).


86. The Post-Retirement Comeback
Club kids shed a tear when Cher hung up her wigs in '03 ... only for her to announce a Vegas residency starting in '08. Boomers shelled out mad money to see Barbra Streisand's 2000 Farewell Tour ... only to drop hundreds more to see her Comeback Tour in '06. We've been duped many times before, but come on -- did you really think Jay-Z was gonna put down the mic for good?

83. The Third-Single Power Ballad
It's a well-documented fact that any successful album's third single will be a power ballad. Doesn't matter if it's rock, pop or even R&B. Country albums are exempt from this phenomenon, however, as they're 50 percent power ballad already.

The Culprits:U2's 'One' No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' Beyonce's 'Irreplacable'

80. Coming Out After the Fact
If 'NSYNC reunites, will Lance sit out when the rest of the boys do 'Girlfriend'? Will George Michael change the lyrics to 'Everything She Wants' on the Wham! reunion tour? Props to Rufus Wainwright for keeping it real from the start.

78. Shakin' Your "Milkshake" Under the "London Bridge"
Ah, the innocuous -- and usually appetizing -- music metaphors for sex. It's a way for pop folk to say what they mean without actually having to say what they mean. Meanwhile, we can't ask our mom to butter our rolls anymore without feeling just a little dirty.

73. Long-Ass Emo Song Titles (dear god THANK YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE THAT THINKS EMO SONGS SUCK, INCLUDING THE TITLE)
Those emo boys sure have a lot to say. Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco both have song titles that exceed 15 words. Impossible to remember and forcing the publishing world to revive the use of " ... ," we can only hope it's a mere adolescent phase, much like their asymmetrical haircuts.

68. Rock-Star Kids With Ridiculous Names
Pop parents use more creativity naming their kids than they do writing their next hit. Why settle for boring old "Emily Marie" when Apple, Zowie, Moon Unit or Tiger Lily will fit just as well on the birth certificate? And unlike the rest of us, they don't have to worry about being ridiculed by their peers. What's Bluebell got to tease Dweezil about?

63. Artists That R 2 Cool 2 Spell Out Words 4 U
The Prince-patented, Kelly Clarkson-approved song-title shorthand has become a widely accepted convention. It was fine when the Purple One was dying '4 U,' but Avril Lavigne's crush on her 'Sk8er Boi' was just silly.

62. Thanking God
Because our God is an awesome God, many awesome artists acknowledge Him. He returns the favor by engineering Grammy, VMA and CMA wins for these performers, who then sing His praises -- not so much in their songs as in their acceptance speeches. Wars, floods, diseases? Let Zeus or Ra take care of that boring stuff, because the Lord is too busy scanning CD booklets for mentions of His name.

54. The "Featuring"
Remember when rappers wrote songs without inviting all their boys, brothers, moms and managers to drop a verse? Neither do we. A couple of guests are welcomed, but damn, Game -- 18 different rappers?!

53. Lists Like These

51. Dadagers & Momagers (that's parents that double up as managers, remember what happened to Aaron Carter?)

49. "The Band Is Still Together..."
It's the requisite phrase uttered when the face of a group decides to release a solo joint. But what happens when the royalty check no longer needs to be split five ways? Just ask the rest of 'NSYNC. Or No Doubt -- didn't Gwen say she was only releasing one solo album?

46. Songs by Untalented Kids of Talented Rock-Stars
Sometimes the apple falls farther from the tree than our ears would like. People should not be allowed to make unlistenable records simply because their last name is Lennon, Presley or Osbourne.

45. "Creative Differences"
The top 5 things bands really mean when they break up over "creative differences":
1. "The singer smokes too much crack."
2. "The lead guitarist gets more cash than I do. And who does he think he is anyway? The band would be NOTHING without my awesome organ riffs."
3. "My wife dumped me for the bass player."
4. "If the frontman wants to sing his own crap songs, let him. See how far he gets."
5. "Those a**holes make me sick."

37. Cop-Out Last Album Deal
How do you know when an artist has one album left in their record deal? When they flood record stores with a compilation of outtakes from the cutting room floor, a collection of covers, their third greatest hits package, or worst of all -- the dreaded live album.

35. Artists Covering the Same Damn Songs as Everyone Else
Big ups to DMB and Lenny Kravitz for improving 'All Along the Watchtower.' Avril and Seether, you totally made 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' your own. We never really got 'Landslide' until the Dixie Chicks and Joey McIntyre showed us the way. And future classics like Gnarls' 'Crazy' will only reach that status with the help of Nelly Furtado, Ray Lamontagne, Twilight Singers, the Kooks, the Raconteurs, the Academy Is... Uh, not!

31. The Syrupy Significant-Other Duet
It's emasculating for the dude and flat-out annoying for the rest of us, so it's amazing that couples continue down the sappy-duet path. There are many levels of this infraction, but Nick and Jessica take the prize by topping their repulsive Christmas duet with a thoroughly wretched Disney duet. Barf. Let's hope Jess and John Mayer don't pick up where this left off:

30. Songs About Breathing
Sia, 'Breathe Me'
Maroon 5, 'Harder to Breathe'
Modest Mouse 'Ocean Breathes Salty'
Toni Braxton, 'Breathe Again'
Frou Frou, 'Breathe In'
Mase, 'Breathe, Stretch, Shake'
Anna Nalick 'Breathe (2AM)'
Melissa Etheridge, 'Breathe'
Collective Soul, 'Breathe'
Faith Hill 'Breathe'
Fabolous 'Breathe'
Erasure, 'Breathe'
Michelle Branch, 'Breathe'

25. The Supergroup
What's a rock god to do when his main crew crashes and burns? Call up his other estranged pals and start a supergroup, of course. When it works, we get Velvet Revolver. Rock Star Supernova, however, is a sign of the impeding apocalypse. (Tommy Lee honestly deserves better, in terms of artistic integrity. Damn you Lukas Rossi, you bastard.)

24. Guyliner (aka MCR, FOB and Panic! have made guys looking sexy in eyeliner excruciatingly redundant and stupid. Leave that to the REAL rockstars.)

22. The "I'm Just Like You, But Rich" Song
It's not the rocks that are fooling us, Jenny From the Block, it's your ridiculous diva behavior. The J-Los of the world -- who only step foot in their old neighborhoods when they're escorting Barbra Walters -- feel the need to convince the world they are still the same old person when their servants, black cards and Leer jets say otherwise. Is it to soothe the pangs of guilt they have about their lavish new lives? Nah, couldn't be.

The Culprits:J. Lo's 'Jenny From the Block' Faith's 'Mississippi Girl' Mary J.'s 'Deep Inside'

21. Ridiculous Riders
From Mariah's pink toilet paper to J.Lo's counter-clockwise-only stirred coffee to Moby's fresh underwear, rockers have taken Van Halen's legendary "no brown M&M's" concert rider demand to new levels -- simply because they can. The ultimate? Iggy Pop's "cauliflower/broccoli, cut into individual florets and thrown immediately into the garbage."

18. Firing the Drummer
Ever since Pete Best gave way to a guy named Ringo, bands have notoriously had a revolving door of drummers. Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins both had five, GN'R has had six (and counting). Stickmen will forever be on edge because they all know in rock, when the going gets tough, the drummer gets fired.

17. The Mother Theresa Syndrome
In the past decade, pop stars have struggled to bring water to Africa, bring African babies to America, and save other distressed peoples who have never heard their music. Props to them for giving a little bit back, but we've listened to 'One' about 4,000 times and still don't think Bono deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. (U2's songs from All That You Can't Leave Behind onwards sound the same. I blame Bono's posturing. Not that there's anything wrong with what he's doing, but does he have to be such a twat while doing it?)

16. The Spoken-Word Breakdown
"Girl" only gives it up if a baritone balla whispers sweet nothings into her ear while his bros "oooh" and "aaah" in the background. But it never lasts -- even that dude from Boyz II Men got to the end of the road.

13. "Girl"
Bobby Brown told her 'Don't Be Cruel,' while *NSYNC accused her of 'Tearin' Up' their hearts. Whether the universal word for "chick that's breaking my heart" is used to protect anonymity or out of sheer laziness, it seems male pop singers will be working things out with "her" for all time.

5. Working With Timbaland
We get it; Tim is a genius. But how innovative can his beats sound when he's written 75% of the songs on the radio? Justin, Nelly, PCD, the Game and dozens more all got the Timbaland Touch in '06, and the queue of artists waiting to work with him is longer than Tweet's weave. It won't be long before Chris Martin is trading in his arena rockers for club bangers.
The Culprits:Justin Timberlake's 'My Love' Nelly Furtado's 'Promiscuous' Pussycat Dolls' 'Wait a Minute'
(I'd like to think that Justin's working with Timbaland for the sheer punnery of Timber/Timba)

4. Dating a Stripper/Porn Star
Rock stars can date whomever they want. Still, it seems music's bad boys most often make love connections in the back room of a shady strip bar where neither clothes nor class is required. That, or they use Vivid Entertainment as their personal dating service. You can't deny the perks, though. Outside of pole dances on demand, the T&A obsessed are assured at least two flotation devices if they're ever in a transatlantic plane crash.

3. Lighters
This most predictable of concert-going behavior is often accompanied by swaying and closing one's eyes, serving to a) let the band know that you are totally feeling that ballad and b) let potential mates know that you're 100% down for making out.